The
journey of life: Processes in the 20s through 40s 
I am a lover of tea, nature, diet smoothies, cozy and quiet spaces with a touch of purple, royalty I call it. I took a long sip of African mixed tea as I gazed upon a bookshelf full of some intriguing books, such as "The 5 am Club By Robin Sharma, The Founders Mentality by Zook Allen , Atomic Habits by James Clear just to mention but a few". A beautiful piano majestically stood below the shelf, beholding its splendor, some family photos rested besides the piano and a pile of old neat notebooks gazed at me. Well, if you are a lover of books, a hoarder of notebooks and such spaces, then you can picture how I was feeling. For a moment, my life stood still, my heart paced softly and my beautiful gorgeous eyes lit with so much hope and love. I felt a tear swell up at my right eye. This place has been my current home for a while. It is in this study room that I have found myself lost in deeper thoughts about life and the future me. In the last couple of months, the power of imagination has been taking the best part of me coupled with hours of self reflection. There were moments I left earth and probably visited heaven while in this room. A lot of questions have been on my mind lately. I guess that is what happens when you start solo dating and rediscovering yourself. Where and when do I get to settle? Did I make the right choices concerning my career? What am I feeling? Why was I born? Will I get married? Where on earth is my partner at the moment? Do we get to be parents? Wooo...slow down darling.
Life is a journey and as we grow up, we come across new dimensions of life. In the last ten years, I have successfully completed my undergraduate studies, my internship and acquired my practice licence as a certified clinical nutritionist in Kenya. God has been gracious to me. In 2019, I secured a scholarship to further my studies, a master’s degree in Food Science and Technology. I have also been able to secure short-term employment with a few international organizations, an aspect that I celebrate especially in a skill-based market requiring commendable competencies. In the same timeline, I have invested in adult friendships and tried a few businesses. I have grown in my faith and my walk in God. I have loved and lived. However, I have also lost, gone through heartbreaks and at some point questioned my presence in this vast world.
Life was good, and the social appraisal accolades stage caught up with me. I subconsciously found myself in a place where I really wanted to define my values and equip myself for the marketplace. I questioned myself as a brand, my values, skills and experiences. I questioned the systems I had for various aspects of my life inclusive of my spirituality, intellectually, and most importantly social capital. I badly wanted to complete my studies on time, work, grow, fit in and enjoy life all at a go. I was so much committed to my employer, my friends and family, and my studies. However I did not realize how uncommitted I was to myself.
Finding a new Identity beyond the school and the corporate world.
Early this year, my life took a different turn of events. In my pursuit for positivity, I call this stage of my life quarter-life transitions instead of the normal quarter-life crises. I somewhat lost control of my firstborn startup, my friendships were shaken, my values tested and at some point, I lost a life-changing opportunity. I experienced several episodes of meltdowns and my productivity was greatly affected. There was so much internal conflict within me. Giving up has never been part of my vocabulary. However at this point in life, I hoped to run away and start life in an unknown place. Probably some place far away where nobody knew my name or my story. A place that allowed me to create the version of me that I wanted without having to recall or listen to the labels that people gave me. Well, lacking the capacity to do that, I made up my mind to recreate that world. In the same place that had broken and crushed me, that was the exact place that I would go through my rebirth process.
Shifting mindset: Fixed vs Growth Mindset
I decided I was tired of all the negativity, victim-hood, entitlement and I chose to live an intentional life. I wanted to redefine my values, my individual branding, and my life systems, especially my social capital and how I showed up. I signed up for a few therapy sessions with Paps Wanyugis and Rawder Kidula . I knew I had to deal with some childhood traumas and life experiences. I got in touch with my emotions and my inner self and started a journey of self-development in the Lead-Self pillar facilitated by Lapid Leaders Africa. These milestones have been a safe and awesome space for me. A space that I had never experienced before. Sometimes I smile and stop to think that this space is the unknown place that I wanted to flee to. Such humour only comes from God. I am still trying to figure out life and I get to grow every day. I have embraced the serenity prayer, and God's will for me. I no longer strive to fit in and instead, I have been choosing to belong.
Life in the 30s and 40s: The biological clock and other short stories
Considering the current developments in my life, I am thinking about this phase with so much optimism, wisdom and hope. Sometimes I overthink but not as I did before. I now know better and I appreciate life more: the sound of the noisy matatus, the mama mboga near my home, the masaai and their cattle as they cross highways, a smile from a stranger, a mis-dialed number,the menstrual cramps and unstable emotions that come with it at times, a meme, the muscle cramps that come as a result of a new work out, the days I get to sleep and daydream, the yes and the nos I have received and goodness gracious, a cup of some hot African tea.
At this stage, I probably get to settle down in my career, commit to adulthood friendships, family life, and parenthood and reap from the seeds I sowed in my twenties. I also get to work on my life projects and make an impact. I envision a productive life, exploring the universe as I make a difference in people’s lives. I probably get to set up a sports academy, and engage in community projects that promote a holistic approach to enabling a productive life at an individual and organization level. I also get to explore what my family does in our 50s.
I cannot really tell much about this stage. However, there is so much that happens. For instance, while relationships made at 20s are all about quantity, the relationships from 30s through 40s are about quality. We also get to go through midlife transitions (the word crisis is not allowed in this space). Some individuals live their purpose while for others, this stage is characterized by confusion and regrets as life, unsettled childhood traumas and experiences catch up with them. On the flip side, probably nothing much gets done. That is just life and while much is beyond our control, there is still so much we can do about it. Do not beat yourself up. My prayer is that we get healing and all the help we need or can offer to live the best life that God envisioned for us.
I am convicted that every stage of life is some sort of a big project. We get to learn, unlearn and grow in different dimensions. Societal expectations and beliefs can choke the life out of all of us. It is during such moments that I (we) get to make decisions that best work for ourselves not the society and that is where the concept of leading oneself plays a crucial role in thriving. I believe that self awareness and growing the resilience muscles are aspects that we cannot afford to ignore. Furthermore, one of the most important aspects to look into is our mental health, agility and resilience in this VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous) world. Embracing change and not only having an unmatched support system but also being the unparalleled support system that I (we) desire.
I am reminded that life is too short. Every stage of life lays the foundation for the next stage. Radical responsibility and honesty powers us to diligently play our roles in life. To be the main character in my (your ) story. Ultimately, God is the perfect planner. He is concerned with our lives and He makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). I can attest of His goodness in my life the moment I invited Him to fully take charge of my life. You get to chose that darling. Who defines you, do you rule your mind or does it rule you? What power have you given people and situations over your life? We are as good as we lead ourselves. Good thing, God promises to walk with us despite all that drama. The question is, where have you placed Him?
Special thanks to Dr. Dale Whelehan for taking his time to provide some great and deep insights about the topic, my friend Fridah for being such an awesome support system, Caroline for pushing me to publish this script and the Lapid Leaders Africa for the opportunity to undergo a rebirth process.
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